11:58pm

what am i doing?
im sitting here at my desk like every other night talking to my friends and looking stuff up.
why?
because i enjoy it? right?… i think so
well of course i do but i should be doing other things right? i do have a life its just at the moment not a very upbeat one… is that my fault? probably… but the question that matters most is do i care that its my fault…

‘ello(jk)

wow i havent done this in awhile… a long while. so this post im sorry to say is going to be a shrine to September 9th and 10th 2008 in which i am going to go see the kooks in concert. excitment. so if you hate silly fangirls then you should stop reading now. i hate silly fangirls as well, but theres a time in everyones life when you just need to jump up and down screaming with excitement and happiness.

the only good thing that i think comes out of these tickets are the fact that they force me to do my summer work that i should have started in june considering school starts in what? less then 3 weeks. =\.
all i have to say is IM SO F***ING EXCITED ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY. but i have to get my work done first.

so heres the thing. i dont get excited about things… ever. like when i was younger my mom would get so annoyed by the fact that i could sleep all day on christmas when most kids are up at like 6 in the morning rushing for their presents. its a bit of a different situation now though. the only reason im not AS excited as i will be as im waiting in line to get in is because of the possibilty of it all going totally wrong. its not a great feeling to jump up and down scream your head off so on and so forth just to get disappointed. i probably sound like a pessimist who needs to just live her life right? i agree but then again i’d rather be safe then sorry(usually at least =)

i think this is going to be a long post =\. ah well. ok so since my last post concerning the kooks i have become an extreme fan. when i wrote that post i had pretty much just found out about them. which be the reason i came across that information because i was attempting to catch up on all that i had missed out in within the last 2-3 years they’ve been around. so once i finished all my catching up im not sure what happened but i was just got wrapped into the fan world. not the usual though like crying yourself to sleep because you want to see/meet them or seripiously obsessing to the point of possible stalking them, threatening to marry them. no. i am not that kind of fan(although i do have a bit of the attack them on a street corner kinda thing in me). more like relating to other people when it comes to their music. this is gunna get sappy but thanks to the kooks i have met LOADS of great people who are currently some of my best friends. the internets a dangerous place for stupid people. but if you have a brain and arent going out meeting people you’ve never met alone/talking to strange creepy guys who say they love you and then going to meet them in a dark alley somewhere, well then the internets a great resource for all kinds of things. i should have been in bed 9 minutes ago. well im not sure where i was really going with all of this but if you got something out of it hey, ive done what i suppose i was suppose to do(bleh that sounds stupid) and if you were simply annoyed by my rambles or corniness and fangirlishness im sry for wasting your time.

i end this post with go find a band whose music makes you fall in love(with the music, not necessarily the members but there always an added plus ) and find other people who feel the same =). lemme guess i sound like a twat.

this might get deleted later. lol.
p.s. leave comments they make me happy… or dont. you know, whatever floats your boat.

Me

So…. hello.
i have decided to change the way this blog is because im not real sure that hearin my opinion is something people are real interested in and its not something i think im so willing to give as i was before so i think these are going to take more of a direction of simplicity and pretty much me stating expieriences and how they went.

so this post is about the grassroots festival of music and dance. my frend and i went this past friday. first thing i did love it. i loved the music the environment plain and simple. but 40 fucking dollars my god almighty its cheaper to go to some amusement parks. eh but yah i love the fact that everyone seemed to be so friendly which from my experience is not very normal. my friend and i, no matter where we go we tend to ALWAYS get lots of dirty looks for seemingly no reason. and we got there around ten so really the only people there were the people who i would say are like hardcore into it but then once it got later probably around 4 or 5 thats when we started getting dirty looks and i believe that was because people were coming in from work and that they were there not really because there into the music or anything they had thee but more into the simply going. i dont know if that makes sense. but so yah i love hippies plan and simple. i thought it was amazing. if grassroots comes anywhere near you, you should deffinetely go because it was great fun.

ME

“Im not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly, you’re as old as your feel”
-Elizah Arden

now i personally am a fangirl of many people. but i do as much as possible not to let it be known. i dont understand why fangirls like to flaunt themsleves around. there like internet groupies that no one wants. its always nice to have fans im sure but why obsess? all your doing is setting yourself up for disappointment.

useless.
there was obviously not a real big point in that… oh well

i hate watching “chick flicks”. it always ends with the underdog getting the guy so to say. and in real life that doesnt usually happen so instead after tons of time leaving the theatre feeling good and like you can conquer the world it came to that point around this time last year that instead of leaving with a good feeling i leave feeling terrible. you want something you dont get it. i dont mean to sound like a sappy 14yr old because i dont necessarily mean it in the same way as most girls(wanting the guy of their dreams). all i mean is i want something to go right not just with guys but in general.
of course “everything happens for a reason” i know i know.

abra

ok so im beginning to think i should have posted this last night when i was angry because now i really dont care anymore. oh well.

So youtube fame. if you are a youtuber or you simply enjoy watching the youtube community well then u know what im talking about when it comes to youtube fame. now why is it that some youtubers like to think that they are better then they are? i started getting into the whole youtube community about a couple months ago… i started with cadegoestocolllege and then found daveyboyz through him and then i found jimmy0010 through him and then i found nerimon through him who i then found fiveawesomeguys through them so on and so forth but there are others that ive found. now i would have to say my favorite youtubers are jimmy0010 (GO There www.youtube.com/jimmy0010) and my second favorite is sxephil… go there as well. now i love these guys because of there humor, there personality and there really blunt but i dont necessarily think that there mean people especially not jimmy. no offense to phil lol.

so back to my anger. i was on blogtv last night watching cadegoestocollege’s live webcast(if you didnt see it im sorry for you) and then when that ended i went to another webcast. on the other webcast the person doing it i was not subscribed to but someone co-hosted and i was subscribed to them. thats where my anger appears. first off, i dont like people who do a webcast and then they talk to the people they already know pretty much the entire time. which is what they did. (sxephil does not do this). second, i was asking a question… and if i am in a chatroom and i ask a question and it doesnt get answered i will ask again b.c. if you’ve ever been in one on blogtv you know how fast they go. so this is what i did and i got a response but it made me really mad. it was something to the effect of it shouldnt matter to you so stop asking. and i know that your probably thinking im over-reacting… b.c. i think i did over react a little but then i thought about it and it still makes me very angry b.c. the way he said it made it sound like he was some superior being… which hes not. he acts like i was asking b.c. i wanted him in my pants , no sry but i think ill fucking pass. and thats where youtube fame comes in. i realized that he thought very highly of himself because hes popular on youtube.

just because you are popular on youtube does not make you famous in the world. i think the people who probably should be famous tend to a bit modest about how interesting they really are. but the people who arent and think they are i actually find to be quite boring…

i dont know if im making any sense.

ME

“its not a fashion statement its a fucking death wish”
-My Chemical Romance

bleh.
have you ever wanted something really bad but realized that chance has it your never gunna get it…(that sounded kind of cool). well im the type of person that when i want something i want it bad. i will throw a fit over things that most other people would find to be of little importance but for me practically everything i care about is extremely important to me. example. b.c. of the whole internet, iTunes so on and so forth thing now ah-days not very many people actually buy cd’s. me on the other hand, now im not crazy i dont buy a cd everytime i want a song. i, for the most part mainly use iTunes but as ive mentioned in one of earlier blogs the kooks are my favorite band and so im buying their cds… all of them. i already own the original copy of their second cd konk and i plan on buying the bonus version of konk(i call it the red album) and i plan on buying their first cd inside in/inside out and a bonus version of that if there is one… i dont kno if there is. now all my friends are like wtf would you do that if you can just get it off of iTunes. what they dont understand is that i care a lot about this band and so i NEED their albums to feel as dedicated as i truly am.(oh and i need to pay for them as well)

i probably sound like a kook myself at the moment but im hoping that at least some one understands what i mean(ok abra no need to sound all sappy).

on another note though what i really started writing this blog for is like i said i tend to get fussy when i dont get what i want(i dont mean that in a spoiled brat kind of way. i mean when theres only one thing stopping me from getting what i want and i cant do anything about it.) im a “dreamer” i suppose you can say. you could ask my friends and they could tell you i have my future pretty much planned out. idk what it is it just makes me feel better. but so when i want  something, uhm perhaps a guy? yah i imagine every part of it. which of course would lead to disappointments. As i am a dreamer i am also exxtremely down-to-earth and realistic. maybe even a bit more then i should be. i of course believe that if you want something bad enough you will get it. but theres always that chance that you wont. so instead of dealing with the disapointmeant i suppose i simply stay away from it and go on imaginging it in my head…

hmmm. i think i dream to make myself feel better but deep down i dont truly believe in it. does that make any sense? …im pretty sure thats not very good for you. i am a bit cynical though and i am pessimisstic. well i shouldnt say that i am but i know thats how i appear to people around me but inside im actually quite the opposite. what does this mean what does this mean… i dont know yet. but ill figure it out.

well i just realized i like to talk about myself a lot. so sorry about that. im really tired. 

ME

“this time were not givin up. lets make it last forever. screamin’ halleijuah. we’ll make it last forever”
“thats what you get when you let your heart win… i drowned out all my sense away the sound of its beating.”
-paramore

i dont know why i have decided to do a blog today… what is the point? a blog is presumably writing in a diary but allowing whoever it fancies to read it.(pardon me if i am using words out of context ive been doing it a lot lately for some reason).

i mean the things i have written in my blog have been private, i mean obviously not too private but they have been my opinions that i care about. so what is the point in a blog why would anyone other then me be interested in hearing my opinion?

i of course DO know the answer to this but i was just thinking about this and it just appears odd to me that blogs are so popular to read and to write… why is it that would need to know what others think to justify our own interests and opinions… i dont mean this in a negative way as im sure most would take it. but just think about it… whenever you have a thought about something or find a new interest why dont you just keep it to youorself and treasure it alone rather then have to tell someone and discuss it with them. or am i the onlly one who does this? i am constantly thinking of something, i always have a new idea a new opinion so on and so forth… but instead of thinking it over with myself i find myself needing to discuss it with others… hm

ME

im not happy right now.

so my favorite band=the kooks. not because i think there all super hot and think hott sex with them would be fun. but because i enjoy their music. they are like all my favorite genre’s mixed into one. and there lyrics i believe to be sincere and just an added plus who can resist that british accent. now people may not agree with me which i dont give a shit about that. BUT. how can i like a band when all over the media “The Kooks are Dickheads”… not my favorite thing to hear about. i’ve only just recently found out about this band which makes it odd that there already my favorite band b.c. im pretty faithful to a band once there claimed my favorite and it usually takes awhile for them to be claimed that way. so of course ive been youtubing them finding out as much as i can that ive missed from the past two years. i found all their interviews very interesting and have made up my own opinion on them, which was a good opinion. but then i google them specifically luke pritchard…

how does a guy wanting to fuck carmen electra make a guy an asshole???? i have not seen one thing that would give me the idea that hes an asshole. and ive been watching videos with him speaking not just things saying opinions about him. theres always more of course but ive already ranted to other people about it that i dont even remember the rest. but no, im URG.

i dont even know what to say… i dont know what the point of this was but idk someone please tell me what you think… ill prolly update this later im too frazzled and i dont even know why its bothering me so much.

ME

ok so obviously Most girls wear make-up on a day to day basis. and these girls like seriously cake it on. that bothers me. me personally wear make-up? no. maybe eye-liner and mascara from time to time. but no. this is because when i wear make-up of course i feel and look amazing but then when i take it off and look at myself in the mirror.. i see ugly. i am not ugly without make-up. people usualy think im wearing make-up. On a day-day basis people always say something about “Omg, you do your make-up so well… blah blah blah” etc etc. there soo shocked to hear that im not wearing any.

i understand that some people dont feel pretty without the make-up, but i have so many friends who are absolutely beautiful without it. and sometimes they look better without it. all make-up does is cause you to have terrible skin. im sry but i would prefer healthy skin over making myself look better when i dont need to anyways.

and the time that women spend on their make-up every morning. im a very lazy person why the hell would i spend like half an hour or more EVERY MORNING to cake shit on my face that will cause me to look like shit when im older and make me feel bad about myself when its not there?

i usually keep my mouth shut about these things though because all that ends up happening is i end up getting glared at. cant stand that. and then people have the nerve to say omg but you’d look so much prettier if you had make-up on. and then i end up going into this long ass rant about how its stupid to wear make-up. i understand i get it. but do not push it onto me.

sadly thought im about to contradict myself.
i love the way make-up makes me look…

 eh
     ME

p.s. if i have hurt anyones feeling or something… sry.